So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
