Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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