I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
