You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
