I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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