She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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