if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
