Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
