I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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