Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Randomize
