Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
