I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
