So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize