Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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