Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
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Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
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