That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
