I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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