So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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