I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
