I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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