So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
