i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Say something about gay babies.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
pop tarts are not kleenex
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You made out with two different species that night
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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