I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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