Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How's work?
Spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize