nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
