There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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