she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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