Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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