Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
