I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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