Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
