It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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