found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
