If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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