i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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