I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
