I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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