I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
