My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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