Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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