What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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