8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Randomize
