I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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