She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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