I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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