Cold hands, warm shart.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
