winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
