We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
