I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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