i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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