Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
