I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
