Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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