I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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