capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
