We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
