woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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