finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
