Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
