May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
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You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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