my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
