We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
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We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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